We often use the expression "good self-esteem, "poor"
self-esteem or "no" self-esteem. How does one "esteem"
the self and what is the self anyway?
Esteem involves loving respect and dignified caring. What of the self?
We come into the world with it; it follows us through life like a shadow.
If we lose it, we are lost. It is profoundly affected by what happens
to us along life's path.
We find ways to protect the self from hurt: sometimes we put our armor
on to stop it from being injured. It becomes our friend or our enemy--we
like it or loathe it. We live with the self in relative harmony or we
battle it mightily through life. We punish our bodies when we associate
it with our hated self. We esteem this central part of us or we dis-esteem
it and cause ourselves misery.
Here are some basic elements of self-esteem:
TRUST starts early in life and is
based on how we are received into the world. We learn to trust ourselves
and begin to have a realistic trust of others. We begin to develop confidence
in the self's ability to choose others who are safe--who will not injure
or exploit.
SELF-NURTURE is born of trust--we
learn how to be caretakers of ourselves. Self-nurturing is an essential
ingredient of self-esteem.
AUTONOMY comes from mastery. We work
through necessary dependencies, to a growing independence. We find interdependence
when we can separate ourselves from others around us and yet retain
vital connections to others.
IDENTITY grows. We begin to know
who we are and who we are becoming. In each stage of life, self-esteem
undergoes change and growth. We fool more solid as our identity grows.
INTIMACY develops from identity and
the need for connection. It is the ability to relate closely and to
know the limits of closeness. We yearn to lose ourselves in love and
yet we need to retain our own separate essence. Healthy self-esteem
involves all of the basic elements. If we lose these characteristics
or never develop them, there is a significant absence of self-esteem.
"Low" self-esteem affects our body, mind and spirit. None
of us spring full blown into the world with characteristics fully developed.
Their creation takes work.
So what can we do?
Read on for practical
insights for building YOUR self-esteem
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