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Welcome…

It's beautiful here today in sunny southern California. When I left Calgary last week, the sun was shining, too. The first snowfall on the Rockies produced the most amazing vistas, especially at sunset. What a lovely combination—warmth and sunshine on me while viewing snow in the distance. I preferred it that way!

September often brings a renewed enthusiasm for getting organized. Vacations have been restorative and now it's time to dig in and get to work. Because of this, today's article on coaching is pertinent. This is an excellent time to consider coaching for yourself and/or your team. After working as a consultant, coach and counselor for so many years, I know what a huge difference executives find when they enhance their communication and conflict management skills. Leadership through expertise and experience can only get you to the first roadblock.

• Improving Your Work Life -Why Use A Coach?
• Inspiring Words for Your Post-It™ Notes
• Improving Your Life - Six Secrets To Ensure Success
• Team Teleseminars Available Now
• Upcoming Events with Rhoberta
• Resources & Recommendations from Rhoberta
• Classifieds

More from Rhoberta...

People skills will always win the day…and get the job done effectively and productively. Collaboration is built on good people skills. That's why I say that "I help people to play nicely together in the company sandbox." We're there all day and we don't want to have the unnecessary tension of unmanaged conflict and unclear communication. Even our use of email and voicemail can be greatly enhanced!

When I was speaking at the recent national conference of the Society for Human Resource Management, I was asked by many people—there were 600 in my session—what I thought was the most important training to offer their people. Without question, for me, it is to give them the skills to manage conflict. I read some research a while back reporting that more people leave their jobs because of unresolved or unexpressed conflict than any other reason beyond promotion and more pay. That's such a shame because these people need skills! Conflict scares most people and the ones it does not scare are often scary. Training changes this and empowers people. It's that simple.

I'd love to hear from you and know what value you both find and create from this newsletter. Would you drop me a note and say 'Hi' at RS@OptimizeInstitute.com? That's my direct email. Let me know, too, how I can help you best.

Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
CEO & President, Optimize! Institute™
Escondido, CA
www.OptimizeInstitute.com

P.S. I'm booking keynotes and training now for the upcoming year. Let's talk about the needs of your department, division or company and find ways to work together. Send me an email at RS@OptimizeInstitute.com or give me a call at 760.735.8686.

IMPROVING YOUR WORKLIFE:

Why Use A Coach?
© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
www.OptimizeInstitute.com

Have you thought of engaging an executive coach? As more people realize the value of having a fresh perspective on their lives, goals, relationships, and ambitions, more are engaging coaches.

Fast Company magazine said, "Executive coaches are not for the meek. They're for people who value unambiguous feedback. All coaches have one thing in common, it's that they are ruthlessly results-oriented." I would echo that idea and add that it is essential for skills to be enhanced during the coaching sessions to step up to being "ruthlessly results-oriented."

Many people are promoted for their expertise and experience alone. It is rewarding to be acknowledged in this way. Many people, though, step up with some trepidation because they know their leadership and 'people skills' need upgrading to succeed. When you are new to management, you may be expected to have these skills. What to do? Hire a coach and top up your skills in private.

Recently, I have been working with a vice-president of a national company. She began her career thirty years ago, working in positions often held by men. In order to be taken seriously and succeed, she adopted certain communication, conflict management, and leadership styles. It worked for her twenty years ago. Now, things have changed. The more aggressive, curt manner she schooled herself to achieve is not working. Time for new strategies!

Another client, a VP, was not getting the respect she deserved from others in the executive suite. She told me of times when another VP would demand her attention by walking into her office and talking to her while ignoring the fact that she had someone with her at the time! Setting boundaries and holding them was a challenge for her. We began with non-verbal strategies and even moved her office furniture!

We are not born with good communication and conflict management skills. We acquire them by watching others, beginning with our families. Think for a moment about how your family handled conflict. In my seminars, I place a poster on one wall that says "Silence. Ignore it. Don't rock the boat.", and, on the opposite wall, "Yell. Scream. Let it all out." I ask participants to place themselves somewhere on that imaginary line between the walls that shows how their families demonstrated conflict management. It's interesting that there are very few people in the middle! Where would you be?

If you answer 'yes' to any of these, we need to talk:

• You do not speak up when others treat you poorly
• You feel used or abused by others in your organization
• You fail to speak up when your expertise is needed
• You are uncomfortable around conflict and ignore it if possible
• You feel like an imposter in your position
• You are considered 'difficult' and find workplace relationships exasperating

You are a good candidate for executive coaching. With a well-honed skill set, you can fully express your knowledge AND have satisfactory, collaborative relationships. The confidence, competence, and comfort that you feel when you know you can handle any situation well is invaluable. And, it leads to further promotion.

Money magazine commented, "A coach maybe the guardian angel you need to rev up your career."

Knowing the finer points of working with and managing people is a learned skill, not an instinct. Learn to communicate in ways that are totally kind and totally honest at the same time. You'll feel better and so will everyone around you. Your leadership will shine.

Few people have taken the time to develop these skills. Be one of them!

Visit www.OptimizeInstitute.com/coaching/execcoaching.htm

© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
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Dr. Rhoberta Shaler solves 'people problems' at work by making it easier to talk about difficult things. Dr. Shaler speaks to, trains and coaches executives and entrepreneurs worldwide in the communication skills essential to creating powerful conversations that reduce conflict & anger, build trust, and streamline negotiation. The rewards: stronger teams, optimized productivity and increased profits. Author of over a dozen books and audio programs, Dr. Shaler's new book, 'Wrestling Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in the Wilds of Work' is receiving rave reviews for "teaching people to play nicely in the company sandbox". She is the founder of the Optimize! Institute in Escondido, CA. www.OptimizeInstitute.com

This article may be reprinted or republished if the complete copyright/resource information is kept intact. For a formatted version for print, email info@optimizeinstitute.com

IMPROVING YOUR LIFE:

Six Secrets To Ensure Success
by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD

If there were only six secrets and they did ensure success, would you want to know? It brings a responsibility with it. Once you know the secrets, you will never be able to ignore them, or complain about the lack of success in your life.

If these six secrets ensure success and you know them, will you do what it takes to be successful?

Years ago, when I owned a health retreat center, I would give seminars to large numbers of people. My assumption was that they wanted to be healthy. Some did. Some didn't. But, they all wanted to know how. How many success secrets do you already know? You likely do know how to be successful. You could give great advice to a friend, right? Now, are you following your own advice?

I'm going to make an assumption once again. I am going to assume that you to want to know the secrets... because you want to be successful. Am I right? You know, it could be that some folks want to know them so they can talk like a person who is going to really do something, but, of course, that's not you. You are ready! Good for you.

Napoleon Hill wrote an amazing book called Laws of Success. After researching long and talking to hundreds of very successful people, he narrowed it down to sixteen laws. It's a very thick book and every page is gold. Think about these things. Spend a half hour after reading this considering the place of these six in your life. If they need to be magnified, now is a good time for that.

ONE: HAVE A BURNING DESIRE

These days we call that 'passion'. When you look that word up in the dictionary, it says, in part, 'an intense, driving or overmastering feeling or conviction' and 'a strong liking for, desire for or devotion to some activity, object or concept'.

What is it that you can pursue tirelessly? What is it you do that allows time to pass without notice? What absorbs you? Fires your imagination and enthusiasm? Inspires you?

Lofty words. It is important, though, to wrestle that concept to the ground and come up with one or two things. Until you know your burning desire, you are may feel short of a starting place for your success journey.

TWO: HAVE SPECIALIZED KNOWLEDGE

Everyone can be an expert at something. All you have to do is decide to become one. My grandson went through an early teenage phase of answering most questions with a shrug accompanied by "I dunno". He seemed to be afraid to risk committing to an opinion, an idea, or, even a preference. Fortunately, that has passed.

How about you? Do you know what you know and what you want to know? Specialized knowledge is a saleable commodity. In the manufacturing world, I've read examples of line workers who took their contributions so seriously that they made them an art form. You can do the same. Acquire the specialized knowledge that will fulfill your burning desire.

THREE: BE GOAL-ORIENTED

You would not likely walk into a travel agency to buy a ticket, and, when the agent asks 'Where to?" say "Surprise me!" There are many people who seem to live their lives that way. And, most of them complain like crazy!

As it says in Alice in Wonderland, if you don't know where you want to go, any path with take you there. On the contrary, you can cut down on your travel time enormously by choosing your destination and mapping out the shortest or most scenic route.

Goal-achieving is one straight road to self-esteem. It allows you to give up excuses and save that energy for new goals. Take the time to think through and write out your goals.

FOUR: BE DECISIVE

Oh, this is big! Successful people make up their minds quickly and change them slowly. Others make up their minds slowly and change them quickly.

Napoleon Hill says never trust a man who has enough the facts and will not make a decision. I would add 'because he/she is likely to be a perfectionist'. Perfectionists are not happy decision- makers because they are so afraid of making a mistake. They truly believe that, if they could just get a little more information, they would make a better decision. Problem is, they seldom think they have enough.

Make up your mind. Take action. Do-o-o-o something!

FIVE: SURROUND YOURSELF WITH A MASTERMIND TEAM

None of us is as smart as all of us! Open yourself to supporting and learning from other like-minded, like-focused folks. Join together with them regularly to move your life or business forward consistently.

That's why I offer regular group coaching sessions. It gives people an opportunity to meet regularly by phone with five other people over several months. The advice, experience and expertise that is available in those sessions is invaluable. Everyone wants everyone to achieve what they most want... and they help them get there!

SIX: BE PERSISTENT AND CONSISTENT

Ever been around a person who always has a new good idea. That's wonderful, but, do they follow through on their ideas? One way of avoiding success is to just keep thinking and never acting. Makes great conversation but very little is ever accomplished.

When you get a new good idea, create yourself a safe parking lot for it. Write it down. Capture it for further thought or another time. Incorporate it when you have achieved your current goal. It will be there waiting for you.

There's a very good reason that someone said 'When the going gets tough, the tough get going.' That's a description of consistency and persistence. And, when the tough get going, they keep going. Not blindly thrashing and flailing through the mire, but keeping their eyes on the prize while skirting any obstacles in the way. They get going intelligently.

Many success writers have said that too many folks give up just before they would have accomplished their goals. Don't let that be you.

There are many more secrets and you likely have heard them all. The secret part, though, is putting them into action. Go for it!

© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD All rights reserved.
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Dr. Rhoberta Shaler solves 'people problems' by making it easier to talk about difficult things. Dr. Shaler speaks to, trains and coaches executives and entrepreneurs worldwide in the communication skills essential to creating powerful conversations that reduce conflict & anger, build trust, and streamline negotiation. She is the Founder and CEO of the Optimize! Institute in Escondido, CA and author of Wrestling Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in the Wilds of Work. www.OptimizeInstitute.com for newsletter, teleseminars & upcoming programs

This article may be reprinted or republished if the complete copyright/resource information is kept intact. For a formatted version for print, email info@optimizeinstitute.com