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Delivery Date:SEPT 4 2004
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Welcome to Rhoberta Shaler's
Rhino Wrestler™: Volume 1, Issue 1.1 - September 4, 2004 We only send this publication to those who have requested it. Your name or email address will not be sold, rented or given out to anyone at any time. To remove yourself from this subscription use the link at the bottom of the ezine. * When you receive value from any article or tip in our newsletter, please invite your friends to join our newsletter.We have a quick and easy-to-use page to refer up to five of your friends to our association. Go to: www.OptimizeInstitute.com/refer * In the unthinkable event that this newsletter is sold, the subscriber base would be included. This is the only exception. Dear Jane,Welcome to the first edition of The Rhino Wrestler™. I'm so glad to be back writing to you. I've been busy getting my new book out and making big changes to our website at www.OptimizeInstitute.com. It's amazing how time flies when you're passionate about what you're doing, isn't it? I'd like to hear what you've been up to while I've been gone. When you become a member of the new website, you can put up your personal blog page...one of many bonuses...and I'll be able to see what you've been up to as well. Mine will also be there. Previously you received one of my other ezines, Optimize Life Now! or Speaking About Work. To reduce your email and still get you the valuable information you want for improving life at home and work, I have combined the best parts of both ezines into The Rhino Wrestler™. Does it seem like a strange name? We all have rhinos to wrestle, either inside ourselves and outside. That's why each edition brings you one article for improving your relationship with yourself and achieving your goals and a second on improving your work/life relationships. To insure your continued subscription, please update your subscription at www.OptimizeInstitute.com/ezines. This is the only issue of the Rhino Wrestler ezine that will go to ALL our subscribers. The name of the ezine, comes from my seventh book, "Wrestling Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in the Wilds of Work" which will be available on September 15th. You can buy your copy from the very first run at a 25% savings right now at www.WrestlingRhinos.net This savings is only available until September 15th. I will be on a speaking tour going from San Diego to Vancouver, BC, from November 22 until December 15th. I would like to meet you on this trip. I'll be doing book signings in many cities. If your organization is having a meeting or needs training, and, you are on the west coast, I'd love to include you on this tour. There's a quick form for you to use at www.OptimizeInstitute.com/keynotes/bookingform.htm If that timing does not work for you, or, you don't live on the west coast, invite me anyways. I'd love to come and talk about 'Wrestling Rhinos' at your next conference, meeting or training. Ask your questions! In the 'Ask Rhoberta' section of this newsletter, I will be answering questions from you. Take advantage of this free consulting! Send your questions to mailto:AskRhoberta@OptimizeInstitute.com If I use your question in the Rhino Wrestler, I'll send you a WR Magnet as a gift (check the Optimize! Shop for those). Remember, you can have a free half-hour coaching consultation with me. Fill out the form at http://www.optimizeinstitute.com/coaching/intro.htm I'm so looking forward to working with you to win...in every way! Let's stay in touch.
IN THIS ISSUE: >> Featured Article - Improving Your Work Life PLEASE VISIT OUR TOP SPONSOR: Michael Angier's SuccessNet IMPROVING YOUR WORKLIFE:WHAT'S STOPPING YOU FROM SPEAKING UP? Your least favorite person does a "hit-and-run'. He delivers that one-line that puts you down, lacerates your self-esteem and sends your blood pressure shooting up. He's done it before. You could have predicted it, yet, he still gets you. You're seething...and he's gone. Would it be satisfying and empowering to make this the last time he ever does that? Of course, it would. At this moment, he is a Rhino in need of wrestling! He knows he will get a reaction, but, won't he be surprised when he gets a response? Reacting comes with having a body. You feel violated, frustrated, irritated, angry, or hurt, and your body reacts. It's that simple. The first step, then, is to take a long slow breath. Inhale through your nose and release the breath slowly through your mouth. This slows down the visceral reaction and gives you a moment to think. Always, the first question you must ask yourself while taking that breath is: "What do I want as a result of this exchange?" Do you want him to feel he 'got you'? That would be simple. Give him a killer look, cry, sputter or swear. He 'got you'. Do you want him to realize that he cannot treat you that way? Time to speak up. Do you trust yourself to speak then? Are you at a loss for words while you're squirming to take the knife out of your back? Are you afraid of his reaction if you do speak? What's stopping you? You deserve to be treated with respect just because you breathe. Unless you have done something so terrible that no thinking person would ever consider engaging in conversation with you, you deserve to be spoken to respectfully. First, you have to believe that. Got it? Are you an 'avoider'? Some people will take all kinds of abuse, simply lie down and take it, rather than speak up. If that's you, it's definitely time for a change. If you were raised in a 'peace at all costs' environment, examine this and see if it is actually what you believe. People have no right to walk all over you. But, they will if you let them. It's time to stand up, brush your 'doormat' self off and speak up. No one has the right to treat you badly. No one! Are you an 'accommodater'? "I want you to like me so much that I'll just keep giving you what you want. It doesn't matter that I am suffering over here. I just want you to be happy." If that sounds like your internal conversation...or your behavior...give your head a shake. You have feelings, opinions, desires, preferences. You have a right to give them a voice and have them considered in any relationship. Take another breath and fully take up the space you're standing on. Tell the truth about what you want. The first step in speaking up is to believe that you deserve to be treated well. The second is to be willing to tell another human being two things: how you feel and what you want. It's that simple. Let's go back to that 'hit-and-run' fellow at the beginning of the article. How I feel: What I want: Wow! That might be a stretch for you, but, think of the effect of the one-liner Rhino. He may laugh from arrogance or embarrassment. He may do a double-take because the behavior is unexpected. He may, though, respond with more information. It's likely that he does not have the 'people skills' necessary to engage in a problem-solving conversation. That's very common with 'hit-and-run' folks. Press your point. "I want the hurtful one-liners to stop. Let's sit down and figure out what the problem really is and create a solution. When is a good time for you?" This alone may stop his behavior. Some Rhinos feed on doormats. Simply stop the food supply. Speak up! ©
Rhoberta Shaler, PhD All rights reserved worldwide If you would like permission to reprint this article, send your request to mailto:info@OptimizeInstitute.com INSPIRING WORDS FOR YOUR POST-IT™ NOTES >> He who demands respect almost always gets it. - Josh Billings >> Real confidence comes from knowing and accepting yourself--your strengths and your limitations--in contrast to depending on affirmation from others. - Judith M. Bardwick. IMPROVING YOUR LIFE:STAY FOCUSED! One of the great challenges in life is to stay focused and not to go madly off in all directions. It makes so much sense, doesn't it? How is it, then, that most people do not find it easy to stay on track with their goals? After all, they choose their goals, so they must be appealing! There are many answers to it, no doubt. The important thing for today is to find your particular answer to that question. Is it difficult for you to stay focused on your goals? How much prompting does it take for you to abandon what you are doing and do something else? What is it about that "something else" that is so appealing? What is it about your goal that is not appealing enough, perhaps? Big questions. Avoidance can be a big issue. Often we call it procrastination, however, it really is avoidance. When there is a task to do, we often find ourselves deciding to clean our desk, make unnecessary phone calls, or, even counting all the staples in that little box just to be sure there really are 1,000. It is often a good idea to take stock when this happens...and I do not mean of those little staples! We want to do things we love to do. We'll even do some very unpleasant things to achieve a desired result...if this were not true, who would undergo cosmetic dentistry or liposuction? Walt Disney had some good advice. He said, "Get a good idea and stick with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done and done right." So, the point is, if you are focused on what you REALLY want, you may have to remind yourself that that task that seems unappealing is really your ticket to your dreams. Pay for it! For today, reaffirm your goals. Make sure they truly reflect what you want. Sit with each of your goals--read it out loud, close your eyes, see how your body reacts to each. Goals that truly light you up and/or contribute to your sense of well-being and peace are the ones to focus on. Keep the others for another time...or release them completely. Then, stay focused. It’s the path to success.
If you would like permission to reprint this article, send your request to mailto:info@OptimizeInstitute.com OUR FEATURED PRODUCT: Rhoberta's seventh book. WRESTLING RHINOS: Conquering Conflict in the Wilds of Work Dr. Shaler's no-nonsense insights and plain truths about how to 'play nicely together in the company sandbox' gives you the skills to speak up confidently, teach people how to treat you, and get what you need and want.: "This book is needed in every business library. Rhoberta Shaler has distilled for you a wealth of specific recommendations to take the anxiety and intimidation out of your workdays. Conflict will always exist but for those who can manage it well become masters of it, not victims." Jim Cathcart, Author of 'Relationship Selling. ONLY until September 15th, get 25% off. Order at www.WrestlingRhinos.net now! ASK RHOBERTA: YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWEREDThese answers are archived for you at www.AskRhoberta.com Q: My workplace is not the happy place it used to be. A new manager came in, and brought some of his own people, and they are all related...3 sisters, a brother, and two friends. It has split the store in two and morale is way down on "our" side of the store. It doesn't help that these people are also making their own rules on procedures and just about everything else. We lost a few really good workers behind this and, as we're not allowed to discuss it or them, it is very strained. Most of us have worked there 6 yrs and some up to 21yrs. We are treated as trespassers and n'er-do-wells. Thank you so much for letting me vent. The whole thing is just unethical and hard to swallow everyday. A: Oh, the price of change! Sometimes it can be very high and it is that way for you. The first thing that stands out in your description of these changes is the apparent lack of consideration for the existing staff. Unfortunately, not all people who are given leadership positions have any leadership qualities. Your new manager, as you describe him, is a good example of this. Are there more former employees than the new crew the manager brought with him? What kinds of conversations have taken place during meetings to introduce the new procedures or practices? Has anyone spoken to the new manager about the discomfort in the office? It's obviously a very large 'Rhino'! My suggestions are these: • Ask for a meeting with the new manager and take a few employees
with you to represent the 'old guard'. Remember, you are in no position to make demands. Be supportive of his leadership and request consideration for your ideas, values and preferences. All you can do is ask...but, most folks don't. For tips on how to negotiate, manage conflict & anger and improve communication, ready Dr. Shaler's definitive book, 'Wrestling Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in the Wilds of Work' www.WrestlingRhinos.net GOT A QUESTION? Email it to mailto:AskRhoberta@OptimizeInstitute.com BECOME A MEMBER OF THE OPTIMIZE! NETWORK & OPTIMIZE! GOLDYou can have access to much more information and many more features
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It's only $19.95 a year! To see all the benefits of the Network and GOLD
memberships, visit RESOURCES & RECOMMENDATIONS FROM RHOBERTA somethingelse web+graphics SELF IMPROVEMENT: The TOP 101 EXPERTS That Help Us Improve Our Lives. You Can Still Go Broke... For those of you who sell professional services - yours or someone else's... UPCOMING EVENTS: OPTIMIZE INTERVIEWS: Want to suggest or be a guest? Submit that information: http://www.optimizeinstitute.com/interviews/beaguest.htm HEAR RHOBERTA LIVE: TELESEMINARS: CLASSIFIEDS: We do our ultimate best to bring you only accurate, honest advertisers who behave with integrity. We are not liable for any transactions you may have with them, but we do wish to be informed so we may terminate our advertising relationship. Let us know at mailto:info@OptimizeInstitute.com --------------------------------- --------------------------------- --------------------------------- ------------------------------- ------------------------------- To advertise your services or products to our subscribers, go to www.optimizeinstitute.com/shop/ezineads.com Get this from a friend? Get your own subscription at www.OptimizeInstitute.com/ezines This issue was sent to <$email$> address. © This newsletter is copyrighted by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD and Optimize! Institute. Please honor our copyright. If you would like to publish one of the articles in this newsletter in your print or electronic newsletter or journal, or, you would like to include it for your website visitors, please contact us for permission at mailto:Info@OptimizeInstitute.com Thank you. Make it an optimized day!
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