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Dear <$firstname$>, Wow! Southern California is behaving just the way the Chamber of Commerce loves. It is warm, beautiful, palm tree swaying weather and the pool is great! Wherever you are, I hope you chose it consciously and are enjoying it. We all get to choose our attitude each morning and that makes all the difference. If you think someone else is creating your bad day, you are likely mistaken. Others can do what they do, but, you are the one that gives what they do meaning for you. That's worth remembering! A new book for anyone, in any circumstance, who wants to live a better life.In "101 Best Ways to Be Your Best" Michael Angier, Founder of SuccessNet, offers his best for your best. It's a compilation of the most popular, helpful, uplifting and wise articles from a decade of his popular writings. It’s 101 thought-provoking and helpful nuggets of advice served up in one not-to-be-missed book. This excellent book comes with a generous package of select bonus resources, worth over $800 and provided by experts in the field of personal and professional development (including Optimize! Institute)
In this Issue:
More from Rhoberta... Much is changing here at the Optimize! Institute. Our new teleseminars schedule will soon be out so watch for it at www.OptimizeInstitute.com. Summer learning was never easier than picking up the phone and taking a class! Your workplace team can have customized teleseminars just for them as well. No matter how large or small your team, I can accommodate them on a telephone bridge line and they will get the very specific training they need right over the phone. No commute. No parking. No down-time. If you would like to sponsor a two-day, six-program Optimize! Institute in your city, you can do that! Become an affiliate for us and you will make money both on product and referral fees for the Institute. The six programs are each three hours long and most people take two or three in each day. That makes filling the seats easier. If this interests you, visit the current page for the upcoming Vancouver, BC, Institute and get a sense of the flow www.OptimizeInstitute.com/seminars/vancouver.htm. I'd love to work with you to give your people the skills they need to increase their comfort, competence and confidence in the world of business. • Do you feel comfortable, competent & confident in your
people skills? If your answer to any of these questions
is NO… Not sure coaching is right for you? Try a complimentary 1/2 hour consultation and find out! Do you have some books set aside for summer reading? What is on your list? Do you have a ‘must-see' movie list, too? Send me an email with your movies mailto:movies@OptimizeInstitute.com or books mailto:books@OptimizeInstitute.com and I'll share these with everyone. It's always good to get recommendations from friends. If you feel inclined, how about including a sentence about each to let us know why it's on your list. I'm really looking forward to hearing from you. I consider the Optimize! Institute a community of people who care about the quality of life on all levels. Let's share the journey more. Watch for my new blog site coming this week - www.AskRhoberta.com. There will be some nifty features that will help us stay in touch more often. I care about you and I am always ready to answer your questions and include them here in the ezine, and now on the blog site too! (Anonymously if you prefer) Just send them along to mailto:askrs@askrhoberta.com Talk with you soon. Rhoberta Rhoberta Shaler, PhD Here's a special of*fer just for subscribers: When you become an affiliate of ours, you earn 30% on every book or
audio program you sell. The affiliate who sells the most between
now and June 30 will win a DVD player and an hour of coaching with me
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IMPROVING YOUR WORKLIFE:Optimize! Institute is coming. 2 full days of our most popular seminars, in convenient downtown venues.May 25 & 26 - Calgary, AB - Details & Registration June 1 & 2 - Vancouver, BC - Details & Registration Coming soon to Dallas, San Diego, Atlanta and Pittsburgh. The Queen & Her Bobble-Heads: Uncovering 'Hidden' Agendas It all seems so nice...on the surface. Everyone seems to be on the same page and even in the same book, yet, there is that ‘something' you can't quite put your finger on. It's not much, really. That person on your team or your board who smiles and calmly affirms that, of course, we all want the same thing. But, why doesn't it feel like that? It's the hidden agenda. The American Heritage Dictionary says that a hidden agenda is "an undisclosed plan, especially one with an ulterior motive." The plan is often not quite as hidden as the motive and that is what bothers us. Have you ever sat in a meeting, staring intently at a colleague, shaking your head and screaming internally,
Recently, I was working with a board of directors of a non-profit organization. Here you would like to believe that you would find altruistic, compassionate people with high integrity. After all, they are giving their time for the good of others. NOT NECESSARILY! Most of the board members were dedicated souls committed to doing the best possible job for the organization. Three were definitely not. After watching the board through several meetings, I became fascinated by the dynamics. (That's a good thing for a consultant to become!) One member stood out as she followed a predictable pattern: conversation on a topic proceeded, she waited like a cheetah for her moment, then sprang to her feet and suggested a radical plan. She is quick-thinking and two-faced. A poor combination! Unless you were very alert, you might not pick up the inconsistencies in her thinking, and, therefore, in her suggestions. One might call her a ‘convenient thinker'. When it was convenient for information to be interpreted one way, she did it. Immediately requiring the information to reflect the opposite, she jumped to the other side. Due to her ability with words, she even made it seem logical to be so duplicitous. And, she has "bobble-heads"! That's my term for people who want approval and power and think they get it from agreeing with someone who appears to have both. They don't think for themselves but align themselves with people they perceive as having power. Therefore, whenever their exalted leader makes a move, they nod in agreement without even knowing what that person has up their sleeve. Got a bobble-head or two in mind now? Each person has their own processing time—the time it takes to fully integrate what someone says and the implications of their position. When a quick-thinking, fast-talking person demands action, makes motions and overruns the chairperson, those who process more slowly are left wondering what happened. Those left in the dust are intelligent, dedicated, interested board members, but no match for the slickster who appears to be expediting board business at a grand clip. Board business seems to be going the way of the Queen and often to the detriment of the organization and to the benefit of her and her Bobble-heads. Many times, a flurry of emails followed those board meetings. "What happened...???" But, the motion was made and the vote taken. Action follows and no one but the Queen and her Bobble-heads are happy. Are the bobble-heads really happy? They are as long as their fearless leader is winning. Watch how quickly they begin staring at their boots when that leader is exposed! This board had been functioning with the same dynamics for years. Why? This woman had made it her business to stay on or join the board whenever it made sense for her purpose. Did she want the organization to succeed? It sounded as though she did, however, her behavior soon became transparent as I probed her thinking at meetings. I asked at one point: "I'm confused. You clearly said that these facts and figures supported your position and now you are saying the opposite. Which is true?" The air was filled with her palpable grapple for words and reasons. She may be fast but she was not used to being questioned, only agreed with. Logic was unknown to her except as it suited her purposes. This simple question of mine threatened her mightily with exposure of her inconsistencies and the convenience of her thinking. What was her response? To attack me, of course. Soon she was asking for my credentials and questioning why I was hired. It only took a moment to assure her that she, in fact, had hired me for all the right reasons. Unfortunately, that logic was her undoing and she knew the jig was up...and so did all the other board members. Now, we could actually change the dynamics and expose and expunge the hidden power agenda. Transparency—essential in all dealings if people matter at all—could be established. This is an extreme case and I use it here to illustrate for you what might be going on in your office or boardroom. What followed in my work with this board was much training on two levels: communication, conflict management and team-building skills, and, collaborative decision-making processes. What if you are faced with the Queen and her Bobble-heads? The first important step is to ask questions right at the moment you have them.. Why don't we speak up immediately? We may think the issue will become clearer if we watch and listen longer, and we don't have to risk appearing uninformed or confrontational. That is simply a matter of learning better communication skills. Asking simple questions based on information rather than emotion is the intelligent move. No need to pin anyone down on the mat. Just ask,
A simple request for information. Yes, the speaker may infer that you are missing essential brain cells, however, always remember that that is a tactic to make themselves feel superior. Just let it go by without comment and return to the logic. People with hidden agendas tend to get very upset when you do not become engaged or enraged. They want to shift the conversation to the emotional and the personal. Your intent is to keep it impersonal and focused on facts. That's an excellent first step. Still hanging back without speaking up? Ask yourself which is worse: risking getting clarification now or living with the consequences! Exposing hidden agendas is not always a simple matter that can be cleared up quickly and directly. Unaddressed, however, it will never go away. Step up fearlessly and intelligently. There are people waiting to follow your lead. That makes you the leader! © Rhoberta Shaler, PhD This article may be reprinted or republished if the complete copyright/resource information is kept in tact. For a formatted version for print, email info@optimizeinstitute.com
IMPROVING YOUR LIFE:Whose Path Are You On? Have you ever followed a friend's or parent's suggestion for a career path or relationship only to find that you were going in a completely wrong direction for yourself? People can be very persuasive...or directive. And, we listen. When I was twenty-four, I was madly in love, the kind of love that almost hurts it is so enthralling. I hope you've had that experience. For several good reasons, that wonderful love turned sour and I walked away. My parents and godparents did not, though. They held onto the idea that this was the man for me. No matter how much I tried to tell them that it was wrong, over, done with, finished, kaput, they carried my torch for me. Eventually, I succumbed and married a man to whom I was, by then, completely indifferent. One wonderful son later, I was on my own, having experienced many kinds of pain. Of course, by that time, the marriage had been "all my idea" and I "should have known better". At least, that's what the parents said. Oh, and along with it, "We never really liked him in the first place!" Sound familiar? But now, I'm wiser. I make my own decisions and my own mistakes. The mistakes may sting, but, at least, they are mine! And I learn from them. That's what makes them worthwhile. I understand that I have complete responsibility for the decision-making AND the consequences. This calls for both clarity and courage. I must know what it is that is important and significant to me and make sure that what I value is evident and respected in my decision. No one else can know that as well as I do. How about you? Are you making your life-decisions based on what is important, significant and valuable to you? There is a huge industry with lots of money that is dedicated to influencing your choices. Advertising suggest what will make you feel better, look younger, get you more friends, more money, more prestige, success...and even cause Prince Charming to make house calls. But, is it right for you? Only you know the answer to that. Once I read a Buddhist saying that suggested that we are happy when we know what with dignity we can live without. Thinking about that was a worthwhile exercise. We often have opened too many boxes in life and never spent enough time or gone to enough depth to savor the value. We're like children with too many wonderful birthday gifts: very excited about the acquisition but never exploring the possibilities. Have you read a personal improvement book but glossed over the exercises? Ever taken a life-transforming course and come home exhilarated? Many folks do and all too soon return to their old patterns. Maybe, you've taken a vacation and sworn to keep your commitment to health and balance when you returned refreshed. Did you do it? Through practice, the truth is that I make better decisions now. How about you? Do you know what you prefer? It might be as simple as knowing what kind of food you want to eat right now, or which movie you want to see. More importantly, though, it may be that you're feeling vaguely dissatisfied or bored, or even, downright miserable. Do you know what lights you up? What warms your heart? What feeds you? It's your choice, your decision. Now is the time to live your dreams. You've heard what Goethe said: "What you can do or think you can do, begin it. For boldness has magic, power, and genius in it." Listen. Begin. Whose path are you on? Hopefully, your own. © Rhoberta Shaler, PhD All rights reserved. This article may be reprinted or republished if the complete copyright/resource information is kept in tact. For a formatted version for print, email info@optimizeinstitute.com |
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Rhino Wrestler™: Volume 1, Issue 8 - <$today$> YOUR SUBSCRIPTION DETAILSThis copy of The Rhino Wrestler was sent by request to: <$name$> at <$email$> on <$today$>. To change your email address OR remove yourself instantly and automatically from this newsletter subscription, use the links at the bottom of this page. To change your email address OR remove yourself instantly and automatically from this newsletter subscription, use the links at the bottom of this page. To switch to our PLAIN TEXT version, send a blank email to info615-78562@autocontactor.com Get this from a friend? Get your own subscription at www.OptimizeInstitute.com/ezines
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