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Dear <$firstname$>, It was a pleasure to meet many new subscribers at the SHRM and IAAP conferences where I was speaking recently. A special welcome to you! If any of you are looking for a practical…and entertaining…speaker or a seminar that will help your people stay motivated and play nicely, please give me a call. I would love the opportunity for us to work together. F R E E Teleseminar with GLENN DIETZEL ON THE POWER OF PODCASTING...Jump on the communication revolution. It's transforming the way content is delivered across the world... AND it can transform the way you communicate with your global teams, your worldwide customers, and your widespread client base. Savvy marketers, authors and entrepreneurs are taking advantage of this cutting edge and easy to use technology right now . . . IT HAS SO MANY OTHER USES. Join Glenn, and Dave Lakhani, President of Bold Approach, Inc, to learn more about this fantastic new communication tool.
In this Issue:More from Rhoberta... We all have the wonderful opportunity of making ourselves up freshly and brand new every morning. Are you taking advantage of that? It could be that you are dragging yesterday into today and it is very heavy! That’s unnecessary. Yes, we do have jobs to do and deadlines to meet. We have responsibilities, contracts and promises. I’m not talking about shirking, I’m talking about changing attitudes. You do not have to carry the burdens of yesterday into today. You can wake up, shake off yesterday and determine that today you will be positive, open-minded and contributing your best. When that is your focus, the world changes. Our new teleseminar schedule is now available. Plan now to get the very specific skills that will improve and enhance your worklife. You’ll find them below and also at www.OptimizeInstitute.com/teleseminars. Learning in one hour segments on the telephone is so cost and time-efficient. You can also contact me to create a customized teleseminar for your staff. Again, a great use of time, energy and money. I wish you well. Rhoberta Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
IMPROVING YOUR WORKLIFE:Want To Grab Them By The Throat And Knock Them Senseless? Sometimes you just do, don’t you? “Say that one more time and I’ll send you to the moon.” You may not say these things, but they do run through the mind. They are the kinds of things that get your shoulders up around your earlobes by the end of the workday and send you scurrying for an over-priced coffee drink just to keep going. There are other solutions. First, we need some practical things to simply do for ourselves on these occasions—without saying anything to the other person. You may think this is next to impossible, but try it! I once married a man who was a calm, delightful man, bright, warm, caring. Soon after the wedding, I learned his big secret. He snored in that bring-the-house-down-and-calm-the-neighborhood-cats fashion. Really, the walls shook three rooms away. What to do? One solution would have been to have the marriage annulled, another to move to separate houses. Neither was an option, so, I learned something. I could take my attention away from his snoring and not be bothered by it. Do you think that was easy? It was easier than it sounds. (Of course, having written a book with the title, “What You Pay Attention to Expands”, I was bound and determined to overcome this difficulty.) • Do you feel comfortable, competent & confident in your
people skills? If your answer to any of these questions
is NO… Not sure coaching is right for you? Try a complimentary 1/2 hour consultation and find out! If he had been hurting anyone or impeding progress or was incompetent, another solution might have been the first to try. We’ll discuss those in a later article. Turning my attention to thoughts of vacations, goals, love, or fantasy, I no longer heard the snoring. It did take some practice. And, it worked. Sometimes, we just let people bother us too much and we take no responsibility for our own thoughts and attitudes. It is often easier to blame than to look within for answers. Are you focusing on a co-worker’s issues when you could be looking at your own? We humans like to look outside of ourselves for reasons we are unhappy. We want SOMEONE to blame. It couldn’t possibly be us! The most effective thought is to look within first. Is there something I am doing that is setting this person off? You know how to push someone’s buttons, don’t you? Many folks master this very early in life and they just keep practicing. What’s in it for you? You can always make someone wrong and things seldom change. Therefore, you always have something to moan or whine about. Therefore, you can always be miserable…and you are choosing it. This is sheer lunacy! Am I communicating clearly? We’ve been carefully taught to be nice. Often that means that we do not communicate clearly. We are subtle, indirect or silent. Nothing will change if you cannot communicate well. If you happen to be a truly passive person, you may be hoping someone else will handle difficult people. Meanwhile, you are creating an ulcer. You must learn to be assertive. We all need to. Assertive, but, not aggressive. Am I teaching people how to treat me? If someone speaks to me in a way I find offensive, and I don’t say anything, I’ve just told them it is all right with me. Sure, the first time, you want to give someone the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they are having a bad day. The second time, though, speak up. It is not necessary to get really fancy with the words. Simple is good. “When I hear racist jokes, I feel very uncomfortable because, even though they can be humorous, they are at someone’s expense. What would work for me is that we agree that you’ll warn me before you tell one so that I can move away, or, you resist the urge to tell them around me. Would you agree to that? I would really appreciate it.” (This is one of my pet peeves, so, I take care of it right away!) Isn’t that a better solution than squirming, judging or silently sending daggers in their direction? Taking care of business like this is empowering. You’ll notice in the example above that I did not make the other person wrong. I spoke about my feelings and what would work for me. Then, I asked for agreement. I took care of business. So, next time you want to whack someone upside the head, take a deep breath and use one of these strategies. (You’ll find many more in my book, Wrestling Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in the Wilds of Work.) It’s a jungle out there sometimes. Be prepared. © Rhoberta Shaler, PhD This article may be reprinted or republished if the complete copyright/resource information is kept in tact. For a formatted version for print, email info@optimizeinstitute.com
IMPROVING YOUR LIFE:Release Useless Remnants Of Your Past Are you hanging on to anything in life that really would be best left behind? Holding onto things from the past, that no longer serve you in any positive way? How do you know? Here are a few insights that can help you have a "baggage-free" life. DID IT SLIP UNDER THE RADAR?Sometimes, we can be with folks we believe love us. We consider these folks trustworthy and safe and we allow ourselves to relax when we're with them. Our history with them is such that we can be vulnerable, comfortable and carefree. Sometimes, though, in a moment of misplaced frankness or thoughtless teasing, a remark is made that slips under our radar. We were sure we were safe and the zinger takes us completely off guard. Not only that, it makes its way directly to our heart...and our subconscious. Many years later, we may still be repeating those thoughtless words to ourselves as true when, indeed, the person who uttered the words has forgotten about them completely. Research shows that many an anorexic became so after an off-hand remark about chubbiness slipped under the radar when delivered by a loved family member or close friend. There were no defenses against it and it cut to the quick. If you are hanging onto something someone once said and repeating it to yourself as gospel, examine this. It was likely untrue at the time and even more untrue now. Release yourself from it. Get it out of your self-talk. Remember, you choose your self-talk. Choose wisely. Accept no substitutes for uplifting, positive, forward-moving thoughts. Personality and People Skills Teleconference SeriesWe're pleased to share with you a special teleclinic series with a colleague, Karla Brandau, CSP. Karla's teleclinics will help you move ahead in your career and your life! You’ll learn about your unique personality and how to capitalize on your strengths while overcoming your limitations. Learn more about Karla's teleclinics, and her multi-clinic package that will inspire you to Wake Up The Winner inside! DID IT COME FROM SOMEONE SPECIAL?Do you have things in your house that you don't particularly like but someone you love gave it to you or left it to you? Unless you have warm, loving thoughts every time you look at it, release it. Let it go. You are not doing the friend or relative a disservice. You are doing yourself one. Surround yourself with things that you find functional, beautiful or memorable in the best way possible. Gifts are tokens of caring. It is the desire to give that is the important thing, not the object. Gifts given with strings attached are not gifts. They are alternative ways of exerting control. Give them back or give them away. That's the way to get out from under that weight. Ever receive a gift that felt more like an obligation? I remember my mother giving me a watch and asking me where it was each time I was not wearing it. I eventually offered to give it back to her so that she would not have to wonder where it was. Gifts with tentacles surrounding them are not gifts. Release them. DID SOMEONE TELL YOU IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO?Have you examined your beliefs, values and goals lately? Are they truly yours or are they left-overs someone gave you? Recently I was giving a seminar and I asked the participants to quickly write down their beliefs. After two or three, some were unsure what else to write. Our beliefs are ingrained and we often operate from them almost unconsciously. Perhaps you may have written, 'I believe each person is trustworthy until they prove otherwise.' Another may have written, "I believe I can trust no one until they prove themselves trustworthy." Where do you sit? What is right for you? One day I was sorting photographs after my mother's death. As I reflected on the relationship she and I shared, I thought about approval. For my mom's generation, or, at least for my mom, giving approval was tantamount to giving up control. She had an underlying belief that, if she ever told me I was good enough, I would give up trying, striving and growing. Does that ring a bell for you? What I learned that day sorting the photographs was that, although I loved my Mom, there were many things about her beliefs and behaviors that I did not approve of. Are you waiting for the approval of someone of whom you do not approve? That is a self-defeating, endless wait. Give it up! Live by your own rules, your own beliefs, your own values. That is what makes you unique in this world AND able to give your unique gift to the world. If you are living from inherited agendas or the unwritten rules that were slipped to you, get over it! Step up, step out and step in to your own carefully examined beliefs and behaviors. As Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." You can do it! Start.Today. © Rhoberta Shaler, PhD All rights reserved. This article may be reprinted or republished if the complete copyright/resource information is kept in tact. For a formatted version for print, email info@optimizeinstitute.com |
Welcome to
Rhoberta Shaler's Rhino Wrestler™: Volume 1, Issue 10 - <$today$> YOUR SUBSCRIPTION DETAILSThis copy of The Rhino Wrestler was sent by request to: <$name$> at <$email$> on <$today$>. To change your email address OR remove yourself instantly and automatically from this newsletter subscription, use the links at the bottom of this page. To change your email address OR remove yourself instantly and automatically from this newsletter subscription, use the links at the bottom of this page. To switch to our PLAIN TEXT version, send a blank email to info615-78562@autocontactor.com Get this from a friend? Get your own subscription at www.OptimizeInstitute.com/ezines
WRESTLING RHINOS - Get your copy today.
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INSPIRING WORDS FOR YOUR POST-IT™ NOTES >> Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you
could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them
as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely
and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. >> You cannot tailor make the situations in life, but you can tailor
make the attitudes to fit those situations before they arise. NEW TELESEMINAR SCHEDULE!
Upcoming Appearances July 10 - Calgary, AB. Calgary Centre
for Positive Living, 10:30am - "Value Vs. Waste". Details RESOURCES & RECOMMENDATIONSDo You Look for Bargains?When the economy takes a downturn, we all look for bargains. The iCop Coupon Club is YOUR place to go! Our coupons from iCop Members reflect a savings of 20% and more - in some cases A LOT MORE - off the regular prices charged on their business web sites. You can s a v e 1000's and still have EVERYTHING you need! www.i-cop.org/coupons Get Automated!Affordable and Powerful. Try the World's Smartest Shopping Cart system. We use it, and we love it. You can use it too! CLASSIFIEDS:------------------------------------------ To advertise your services or products to our subscribers, visit the website
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The Rhino Wrestler™ is a publication of Optimize! Institute. Published by People Skills Press. © 1998-2005 Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
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Do
you have your copy of Wrestling Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in
the Wilds of Work? This is an excellent book to help you with specific
communication, conflict & anger management and negotiation skills…available
right when you need them. In fact, it’s a great book to give
to every person on your staff. Then, you can all find ways to ‘play
nicely together in the company sandbox’! We all need these skills
and we usually did not learn them at home. Equip yourself right away
and calm your communications. 