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Dear <$firstname$>,

Happy New Year! I hope your life has been as full and prosperous as mine has been in the last few months…because that is why you’ve been missing my ezine. At least, I hope you’ve been missing my ezine!

The Rhino Wrestler brings you one article to give you insights into work relationships and a second article to improve life within yourself. The first place we need to wrestle rhinos is within. If we have wrestled those rhinos, we have the confidence to use our new skills to wrestle rhinos we meet and work with. That’s why I wrote the book, “Wrestling Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in the Wilds of Work’. You can get your copy at www.OptimizeInstitute.com You’ll see it on the homepage…as you listen to my voice!

By the way, if you would like to implement audio like that on your own website, visit http://rhoberta.audioacrobat.com and welcome your visitors.

I now work half-time in the US and half-time in Canada. As you can imagine, this has come with many changes to make everything work. I’m back on schedule now and looking forward to writing to your regularly. I’d like to hear from you. How can I help? What do you need to hear about? What situations could I help you handle? What’s going on in your life that is stopping you from achieving your goals and your greatness? Send me a quick email to mailto:rs@optimizeinstitute.com with ‘Question’ in the subject line. I’ll be sure and address your questions.

I’m so glad to be back with you and I promise I won’t disappear for so long again. I wish you a wonderfully prosperous 2005 and let’s walk through it together.

Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Founder. Optimize! Institute™
Escondido, CA
www.OptimizeInstitute.com

IMPROVING YOUR WORKLIFE:

HOW CAN YOU BE THAT MISERABLE SO EARLY IN THE MORNING?
© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
www.OptimizeInstitute.com

It was 5:30 AM. My home office phone rang and I startled awake. It was someone I considered a colleague and I gently reminded him that, although it was a respectable 8:30 AM where he was, it was some absurd time for waking where I live. He failed to respond in any generous manner and I realized he had his knickers in a knot.

Was I expecting a torrent of abuse at 5:30 AM? No, not then, nor any other time, for that matter. However, it flew at me.

“I sent your assistant the information ten days ago. I was very generous to send it at all and certainly gave you much more than you gave me. What’s he playing at? What is he trying to get away with? I think he is shockingly dishonest. He has not done what he said he would do. What are you trying to pull? I’m shocked.” And on and on it went in the way of a person who has no people skills.

I asked him to slow down and to consider the sequence of events. We had sent him our part of the project two months prior and had waited patiently for him to do what he promised. He did not do it, so, I wrote and asked when we could expect it…after waiting for seven weeks for him to do his part.

Oh, no, he would not hear that that had any bearing on his upset today. He had responded last week and why had we not complied.

I told him that incendiary language of blame, anger, upset and irritation was not going to help us solve this issue. He repeated his pain. Finally, I told him to stop. I would look into the issue and find the facts. When he was ready to discuss facts, we could talk again. I also told him that extracting ‘dishonesty’ and ‘trying to get away with something’ as descriptors of our interaction was extreme. Big surprise! He repeated his libelous language and added a threat,

“If you do not handle this today, I will call all our colleagues and tell them all kinds of terrible things.” Now, there is gross immaturity! Yet, I once again quietly said,

“Let me check this out: I sent you the information you wanted immediately you asked. Correct?"

“Yes, but it was not as much as I was expecting.”

“Ah, so when you received it, you felt how?”

“I felt like I had over-promised when I made the deal with you and I felt like I was giving much more than you gave me.”

I said, “I told you that I would share all that I had. Do you remember that?”

“Yes, but it was not enough.”

“So, this call is the result of choosing to be upset and angry rather than call and tell me what your concerns were? Am I right?” No response. Read the rest of this article online >>> 

IMPROVING YOUR LIFE:

REMOVING THE CREATIVE CLUTTER FROM YOUR HEAD
© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
www.OptimizeLifeNow.com

Have you ever felt that you could really get something wonderful and worthwhile done if you didn't have so many things to do? A common thought.

Your mind is so cluttered with great ideas, current projects, social obligations, long-term plans and upcoming appointments that there is no room for creativity. In fact, some days it seems amazing that any thought can make it all the way across your mind, doesn't it?

We become immobilized, unable to make progress, even though we may be very, very busy. It's a paradox. We are working as fast and hard as ever and still we seem to be treading water. The shore never gets any closer. That's because your mind works in strange ways. It has no sense of past or future, so, that everything you've ever told yourself you should or could do, your mind thinks you should be doing right now. So, your mind sets you up for failure.

I have been caught this way. It is so self-defeating...and exhausting. So many great ideas for projects, businesses, conversations, seminars all rushing around in there....all chasing one another. So, I went looking for the magic bullet that would put an end to my misery. I looked in the obvious places: get a new organizer, a new at-a-glance something that would keep me on track, a new PDA to make everything work together; clean the office, clear out the in-box. All were promising, but none cleared the clutter from the inside, even though my office was immaculate. Problem: clean space but head still full. I only looked organized.

The search continued. Finally, a colleague told me about some ideas he had been working from that made a huge breakthrough in his organizational thinking. OK. I'll try anything.

First key is to get all the ideas you have--and I mean ALL the ideas--on to paper or into your computer. ALL!! That is one massive mind dump. Every thought, idea, plan, project, wish, want, need, relationship, value...and then some. It's essential to actually clear the mind of it all in order to be able to focus on one thing at a time.

That's the beginning. Once you have every single thing--idea, object or piece of paper--in your in-box or in-bucket, then, and only then, you begin to process. Cleanse first, then clarify.

Pick up each item from the in-dumpster. Do you know what to do with it or about it?

Decide if it is actionable. What is the next action step you need to take on each item? The best organizing guru I know, David Allen* says that if the answer is 'No!' then it's either trash needing to go, something that might need to be done later (incubate) , or potentially useful information that might be needed for something later. In that case, it's a reference piece. Makes sense. You can now manage these three categories. If the answer is 'Yes", you have to figure out the next action to take. David Allen says then you have to do it, delegate it or defer it. And the system continues.

The first and most important part, though, is getting your mind clear of clutter so that you can bring your complete attention to the task at hand. You have taken care of those fleeting thoughts. You've captured them on paper or on screen. You have decided on the next action step for each item. Now, you're ready for action. Your presence of mind will improve. You can easily bring your mind to one thing at a time.

This is the key to being...and feeling...truly organized. Stress is reduced. Focus returns. Clarity is restored. You know what to do. You are back to being productive and you're swimming in the right direction. Great system!

* Read David Allen's excellent books, Getting Things Done! and Ready for Anything. You can get them at www.optimizeinstitute.com/shop/books.htm along with others I recommend.

© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD All rights reserved.
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Dr. Rhoberta Shaler solves 'people problems' at work by making it easier to talk about difficult things. Dr. Shaler speaks to, trains and coaches executives and entrepreneurs worldwide in the communication skills essential to creating powerful conversations that reduce conflict & anger, build trust, and streamline negotiation. She is the founder of the Optimize! Institute in Escondido, CA. www.OptimizeInstitute.com

This article may be reprinted or republished if the complete copyright/resource information is kept in tact. For a formatted version for print, email info@optimizeinstitute.com

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