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Dear <$firstname$>,Welcome! I’ve been enjoying twelve days in the warm California sun. Working half-time in Calgary, I have learned that they truly mean ‘If you don’t like the weather, wait ten minutes.’ It is beautiful…and changeable. The predictable sun that the California Chamber of Commerce literature promises has been greatly in evidence for the past ten days. Very relaxing. Optimize! Institute is coming. 2 full days of our most popular seminars, in convenient downtown venues.May 25 & 26 - Calgary, AB - Details & Registration June 1 & 2 - Vancouver, BC - Details & Registration Coming soon to Dallas, San Diego, Atlanta and Pittsburgh.
IN THIS ISSUE:
More from Rhoberta... I hope the many of you who bought Wrestling Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in the Wilds of Work in the past few weeks have already found and created great value. Wrestling those rhinos at work and home well requires compassion and skills. Once you have the book, you’ll have both, I’m sure. Practical scenarios and great ideas for handling very specific issues are included. www.OptimizeInstitute.com It was a great pleasure to speak to the members of the Women’s Executive Network in both Vancouver and Calgary two weeks ago. As I said there, there is only one thing more powerful than a group of women and that is a group of powerful women…and they all showed up! I hope to see you and your colleagues, friends and staff at the upcoming Optimize! Institute in each city. You’ll find more about that in this ezine and on the website. Are you planning a conference or regional meeting? I welcome the opportunity to speak to groups about the ‘people skills’ that increase productivity and profit—communication, conflict & anger management, negotiation, team-building. Interested? You’ll find more information at the website - click on ‘Speaking’. Then, we could meet as well and I would love that! Today, as I was preparing this ezine for you, I came across a quote that really leapt out at me. Maybe it will have particular meaning for you: • Do you feel comfortable, competent & confident in your
people skills? If your answer to any of these questions
is NO… Not sure coaching is right for you? Try a complimentary 1/2 hour consultation and find out! "A successful life is not an easy life. It is built upon strong qualities, sacrifice, endeavor, loyalty, integrity.” - Grant D. Brandon Let’s support each other in our endeavors to maintain confidence and to create integrity by daily living our values. I wish you well. RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD
IMPROVING YOUR WORKLIFE:LEGGO MY EGO! So much talk about egos: delicate egos, shattered egos, monster egos, maniacal egos. What is this all about? Recently I was working with a supposed team of supposedly like-minded individuals who purported to share the same mission, goals and purpose. What a nightmare! This small group of nine were completely divided into two camps—the ego-centric, ‘it-must-be-my-way’ camp and the ‘whatever-you-want’ camp. Could have been ideal if the ‘my way’ camp were not divided into two camps as well. The war had been waging for years. And, I, intrepid consultant and mediator, walked directly into the mess! I was to bring the warriors to the peace table and negotiate a settlement. Not for the feint-hearted, I tell you. What is this ego-stuff? Dictionaries offer meanings ranging from “the self, especially as distinct from the world and other selves” to “an exaggerated sense of self-importance; conceit” to “an inflated feeling of pride in your superiority to others.” The last definition is the one most folks hold when they use the word as it is seldom used in a positive context. You may think you are superior. You may even be superior…in position, intellect, experience or expertise. When you act superior, trouble brews. No one enjoys being put down…and, no one deserves to be. If you believe that this world moves too quickly to take care of what you might like to call ‘fragile egos’, you’re missing the point. That can be a trite way to dismiss your bad behavior. Running roughshod over people is a very poor way to get your exercise. What if you are the target of this exercise? Your job is to give up your position as a doormat. If you are to make the contribution you were hired to make, you need the skills to teach people how to treat you. One quick caveat before we proceed: there are people out there, often in positions of power, who prefer to live like ‘rhinos’. They can’t see well, are constantly sniffing for trouble and charge at anything that moves. (You can learn more about how to handle them in my book, Wrestling Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in the Wilds of Work.) When working with a rhino, you’ll need all the skills you can muster, however, even rhinos can be contained, if not tamed. Rhinos are often bullies. They live in the ‘it-must-be-my-way’ camp and they behave from a ‘I’ll run you over if you get in my way’ philosophy. You’ve met one or two. Just as real rhinos can change direction in an instant, bullies will change your words on a dime. Have you experienced that? Unlike real rhinos, though, they can be sneaky. Workplace bullies will report issues only slightly—very slightly—differently than they happened. No one says anything but it seems so petty. The next time, they change it slightly again. Soon, the story is significantly different than reality. When anyone speaks up to complain, they say, “You’ve gone along with this and said nothing. What’s your problem now?” These rhino bullies are crafty. Getting their own way is the most important thing in their day. Actually, they are the fragile ones constantly needing the ego boost of running over people’s ideas and feelings. Everyone is potential ego fodder to a rhino! A healthy ego is one that will not lie down in the face of a rhino. A healthy ego does not defend, whine, complain or make excuses. All that is required is a quick four-step formula for success: 1. NAME IT! Describe the behavior you are addressing—only the behavior, not the person.
2. CLAIM IT!
3. TAME IT!
4. LEAD IT AWAY
When you let rhino bullies get away with even one statement that leads the conversation astray from your perception of the truth, the downward slide has begun. Learn to speak up at the first sign of wayward behavior. It takes strength to do so. Do it with no emotional taglines. Simply the facts. When emotion bursts forth, a bully will jump all over that, too. They invariably want to make a person who ‘feels’ something out to be weak, particularly if that person is a woman. So, simply state the facts with the formula above. Be aware: bullies get huffier, more vocal and more damaging when first confronted. That’s when you must keep your emotions in check and quietly state the facts. When you consistently teach a bully that you will not allow them to behave poorly towards you, they often get a perverse respect for you. Many bullies are fragile even in the face of all their blowhard demands and stances. They are simply afraid that no one values them, respects them or takes them seriously. Knowing this, you’ll find other ways to compassionately handle delicate “bully egos”. As for you, take the high road with your healthy ego intact. You deserve respect. You deserve to be heard. You deserve to feel good at work. Step up. Speak up and contain those rhinos! © Rhoberta Shaler, PhD This article may be reprinted or republished if the complete copyright/resource information is kept in tact. For a formatted version for print, email info@optimizeinstitute.com
IMPROVING YOUR LIFE:SOME DAY, ONE DAY AND SOON ARE NOT
ON MY CALENDAR When we put our plans in the slush bucket of life, it is highly unlikely they will manifest. You may think that phrases like “some day”, “one day” or “soon” indicate intention. They do and that’s a very good start, however, it’s when goals, events, desires actually make it on to your calendar that good things happen. You’ve likely heard the joke about “How do you eat an elephant?” And the answer, “One spoonful at a time.” We often try to eat elephants whole. In doing that, we are often defeated before we start. The task seems far too large. We sit down exhausted at the idea long before we take the first spoonful. It’s too daunting. The trick is to decide by the spoonful:
Ah, there’s something you can do right now…and, you’re on your way. Because I have written several books, aspiring authors often ask me how I did it. My answer has two parts: (1) apply my fanny to the fabric regularly, and (2) one word at a time. If I want to write a book, I have to break it down into the smallest parts possible or it would overwhelm me. What project is overwhelming you? Break it down into tiny parts. Procrastination is often the result of seeing projects as too large. We are all familiar with the April 15th procrastination project. Why is it that most folks have no sleep during the five days preceding that date? They did not break the task into small pieces throughout the year. Those small pieces, by the way, are called ‘months’! What large task excites you but exhausts just you thinking about it? Break it down into bite-size pieces. Everything is do-able with the right attitude and the right size bites. One quote that really rings in my head at moments when my mind or body screams, “I DON’T WANNA!” is this quote from Albert E. N. Gray:
Here’s a big question: What is the one thing that you can identify, that, if you did it, would make a huge difference and move your life forward right now? Now write down all the ways that doing this would benefit you or impact your life in positive ways. It’s simple. If you want the benefits, you do the tasks. I know, that and five bucks will get us a decent cup of coffee, but, it’s like losing weight. The formula is simple: eat less, exercise more. We all know that but doing it is the difference. Each morning, before you get up, resolve to accomplish three things. It doesn’t matter how small they are but each must move you towards one of your major goals. When you’ve done the three and maybe have half a day left, you might consider taking a few more steps. Soon, you’ll be thrilled with your progress and your self-esteem will get a boost. This stuff works…but, you have to, too. Grab that spoon!
© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD All rights reserved. This article may be reprinted or republished if the complete copyright/resource information is kept in tact. For a formatted version for print, email info@optimizeinstitute.com
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Rhino Wrestler™: Volume 1, Issue 7 - <$today$> YOUR SUBSCRIPTION DETAILSThis copy of The Rhino Wrestler was sent by request to: <$name$> at <$email$> on <$today$>. To change your email address OR remove yourself instantly and automatically from this newsletter subscription, use the links at the bottom of this page. To change your email address OR remove yourself instantly and automatically from this newsletter subscription, use the links at the bottom of this page. To switch to our PLAIN TEXT version, send a blank email to info615-78562@autocontactor.com Get this from a friend? Get your own subscription at www.OptimizeInstitute.com/ezines
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