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Welcome.

Summer is here in southern California. Cloudless blue skies, swaying palms and wonderful early mornings. The best thing is sitting out on the deck in the very early morning with a cup of tea listening to the birds. I hope you start your days well. It makes a big difference to what follows.

I was thinking about Wrestling Rhinos today as I was receiving feedback on the book from the buyer at Barnes & Noble. His question was "Are Rhinos good or bad?" My answer: "Neither. They can be disruptive, unproductive or outrageous. That can come from lack of skill, lack of interest or an abundance of creativity." No matter what, we need skills to manage our relationships with them and ways to improve our teams with Rhinos on them." That's what prompted today's article, COMMUNICATION TURN SIGNALS.

In this Issue:

• Feature Article: COMMUNICATION: TURN SIGNALS & STOP LIGHTS
• Inspiring Words for Your Post-It™ Notes

More from Rhoberta...

TAKE THIS ASSESSMENT & LEARN ABOUT YOURSELF AT WORK...AND THOSE OTHER FOLKS THERE, TOO. This is the very best assessment tool I've ever used.. You can learn all about it and take it online in only 10 minutes. The benefits are here: www.CoreValuesProfile.com. Honestly, this is just the best! Do your own right away. You get the results in minutes.

Do you have an upcoming conference, staff retreat or training? I would like to work with you to make your event as compelling and informative as possible. Let's give your people the communication, conflict, anger & negotiation skills that will keep your business productive, profitable and peaceful.

I wish you well.
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
CEO, Optimize! Institute™
Escondido, CA
www.OptimizeInstitute.com

INSPIRING WORDS FOR YOUR POST-IT™ NOTES

Calm self-confidence is as far from conceit as the desire to earn a decent living is remote from greed.
- Channing Pollock

Striving to outdo one's companions on the golf course and tennis court or in the swimming pool constitutes several socially acceptable forms of suicide.
- George Griffith

IMPROVING YOUR WORKLIFE:

COMMUNICATION: TURN SIGNALS & STOP LIGHTS
© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
www.OptimizeInstitute.com

When I was new to California, I was shocked by many of the drivers. The rules of the road seemed to be lost on them. Then one day, I got a real chuckle. I was following behind what could only be described as a convertible land yacht with two grey-haired folks enjoying the wind in their hair and I noticed their bumper sticker, ‘Visualize using your turn signals.' I roared. That was my major complaint. California drivers don't seem to know where the turn signal lever is!

Many folks actually don't seem to know that turn signals are a very good tool in communication. Haven't you ever been following along in relationship with someone, thinking you know where it is all going, and suddenly, you're caught unawares by a left turn? No turn signal.

TURN SIGNALS IN COMMUNICATION

When it matters to you—and when you can understand that it matters to your communication partner—be thoughtful enough to use a turn signal. Indicate the direction you are taking the conversation.

We make sudden turns when we feel challenged, when we are at our creative best, and when we do not want to disclose. In the first case, the desire is to divert attention. In the second, our mind is rushing, filtering, scanning and leaping. In the last, we do not want to be nailed down, found out or known. There can be very good reasons for our making quick turns—safety, trust, timing, exposure. It can often leave the partner with a message other than positive and can turn a relationship sour on a dime.

NO TURN SIGNALS REQUIRED.

Brainstorming is a good example of positive activity without turn signals. One of the cardinal rules of brainstorming is: no judgment. Just let the ideas pop out and flow. Consideration of the ideas is left for a later time. Nothing is to stop the flow of ideas and associations.

There are people who just cannot seem to control their need for control in a brainstorming session. By its very nature, it requires free association and thinking without limits. Have you noticed that there are always those who want to immediately negate each suggestion as it pops up? Those are people with a high desire for turn signals while joy-riding on a meadow. The turn signals need to be off for creativity to flow.

TURN SIGNALS NECESSARY.

On the other hand, offering no turn signal is a demonstration of the desire to lead, mislead or be the only one on the track. Not extending information until it is accurate is a wise decision. A good leader will honestly say that information is unavailable. Wise communication can avert later damage control. Honesty is paramount. We need to learn to not begin conversations we are unwilling or unable to finish at the moment. A good way to keep things in the open is to pro-actively bring a subject up and close it clearly with, "You are likely wondering about _______________. Let me tell you that we are aware of the urgency/interest/need for an answer/conclusion/focus for this and it is currently not ready/available/determined. I will update you as soon as this important information is ready to report."

You've likely heard the phrase, "on a need to know basis". That often makes employee or co-worker feel suspicious. Certainly, information may not be ready for general or public consumption, however, that phrase is antagonistic. We know. You don't know. Live with it! It is the organization or individual demanding trust. Not the best way to get it! Very few of us work for the FBI, however, we may feel we are on Mission Impossible.

If you want to fool, expose or subvert a colleague or partner, you will make quick turns, divert through safe alleys, or park suddenly. Often, you offer no explanation, map or insurance. The communication partner is left wondering what happened. It is not rocket science to see that this undermines working relationships. Learn to be clear, honest and direct in your communication. If you have nothing to hide, say so. If you don't know, say so. If you don't want to discuss it, say so. Don't just veer off the road, leap the curb and sideswipe bystanders.

If you think you've left bewildered, shocked or injured people on the road, double back and pick them up. Communicate with them with integrity and drop them off feeling valued.

EFFECTIVE TURN SIGNALS

In the fascinating book, BLINK!, Malcolm Gladwell brings to light much research on facial expressions. It is no wonder babies react so quickly to faces! They do not need language to read what is going on, and, as it turns out, neither do we. Communicating congruently is essential. When your face says one thing and your words say another, you create communication traffic jams. Mixed signals cause confusion. Either traffic comes to a standstill or everyone goes off in their own direction. That simply doesn't get us to the same destination.

In regular communication, and, particularly in crisis communication, we need to broadcast important changes in direction. We need to put our indicators on, as the British say! When you forecast what you are going to do, you allay fears. Here's an example:

ACKNOWLEDGE THE ROAD: "I think we're on the same page on most things. We do have to consider where the differences are in our thinking and desired outcomes."

INDICATE THE TURN EARLY: "Are you ready and willing to discuss these differences now?"

EMPHASIZE THE TURN: "As we discuss the difficulties, let's agree to not lose sight of the many things on which we agree."

Now, the turn signals have been on long enough for both parties to anticipate the turn.

This requires thought and preparation. Do you consider your communication or do you hope for the best on the spot? Preparation is always best if you want your trip to be a success. If you care about yourself, your relationships and the development of your team or your family, use your turn signals. If you don't, you could be creating a non-negotiable stop light!

© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD

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Dr. Rhoberta Shaler is a ‘people skills' expert—a international speaker, author, executive coach and founder of the Optimize! Institute in Escondido, CA. www.OptimizeInstitute.com Dr. Shaler works with organizations that know their people are their top resource and with leaders who know that building relationships is a top priority. She is the author of What You Pay Attention to Expands and Wrestling Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in the Wilds of Work as well as more than a dozen books and audio programs. Her books are currently in nine languages and her articles are published in more than 17,000 publications. Visit www.OptimizeInstitute.com Take the remarkably insightful core values profile and learn more about what motivates and inspires you and your colleagues at www.CoreValuesProfile.com Use it to strengthen workplace teams.

This article may be reprinted or republished if the complete copyright/resource information is kept intact. For a formatted version for print, email info@optimizeinstitute.com

Excellent communication skills are essential to every person in business. That is why I wrote the book, Wrestling Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in the Wilds of Work. This book offers much more than conflict and anger management skills. It has been reviewed as "a book needed in every business library" by world-renowned speaker and sales expert, Jim Cathcart.

Written in an easy-to-read, down-to-earth style, the book uses actual scenarios and practical examples to bring you the insights and skills to manage relationships at work and turn confrontation into communication. Now in its second, expanded, English edition, Wrestling Rhinos, is currently being published in Chinese, Taiwanese and Russian.

I have created a series of teleseminars on the topics covered in Wrestling Rhinos. This is an excellent way for entrepreneurs, executives and employees to get the specific conflict or anger management, communication and negotiation skills they need without ever leaving their desks. These teleclasses can be customized for an industry group.

For more information on these programs, visit: www.OptimizeInstitute.com

This article may be reprinted or republished if the complete copyright/resource information is kept intact. For a formatted version for print, email info@optimizeinstitute.com